Published on May 8, 2019
Robert Reffkin, Founder & CEO at Compass
Hi all,
This week is about all the mothers. I shared this note with my Compass Family earlier this week and I'd like to share it with you as well.
And, it doesn't have to be Mother’s Day to be the perfect day to let your mom know how much she means to you.
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Compass Family —
I’ve shared a lot about my own upbringing and my story with you over the years. Today, a few days before Mother’s Day, I want to share a much more inspirational story about the most important person in my life: my best friend, my partner, my wife, and the mother of our three children, Benís. I’m thankful to be part of her narrative and to be able to share her story — one that I hope makes you and your family see that anything is possible and that we can all change our stars.
Benís has lived the American Dream. She grew up with almost nothing, living in Section 8 housing, buying groceries with food stamps, wearing donated clothing. Just last month, Benís told me that she’d never had an actual birthday party growing up because it was too expensive.
I can’t share her story without sharing a bit of her mother Elida’s story, because just like in my family and in so many families, it was the mother who was the rock, who held things together, and who did what had to be done. Benís’ mom immigrated from the Dominican Republic to Puerto Rico, where Benís was born, before moving her family to Yonkers, NY. After struggling to find a job, Elida started working nights sorting mail at a USPS mail processing center, leaving the house after Benís and her brother went to sleep and coming home just in time to kiss them as they ran out the door to catch the school bus.
She wanted more for her children and made sure Benís got into the best gifted and talented program in the best public elementary and middle schools, even if she had to take a bus across town to get there. For the first time, Benís saw the way other students lived — their new clothes, their matching furniture, their confidence that they could do anything they put their minds to — and it led to her first spark of ambition. Benís wanted more for herself, too.
Despite the fact that less than 25% of her high school class even graduated, Benís studied hard and set her sights on a great college. She applied to her dream school, NYU, and got in — but couldn’t afford it. Financial aid barely covered 20% of the cost. If it hadn’t been for the generosity of a family she was babysitting for who offered to cosign her loans, she wouldn’t have been able to even borrow enough money to go to college.
That was a pivotal moment for her. Benís wanted a better life, but she had to decide whether she believed in herself enough to make a big bet on her future. And it was a very, very big bet: she ended up with $150,000 in student debt even after commuting to NYU from Yonkers every day because she couldn’t afford the dorms and working as a waitress nights and weekends throughout college to make ends meet.
Today, she says betting on herself at 18 was the best decision she ever made.
But that doesn’t mean it was easy. One of the biggest obstacles for Benís is common among kids who are first in their families to go to college: she didn’t know what she didn’t know. In high school, she and her mom had no idea that well-off kids took SAT prep classes. In college, she didn’t know that while she was working at restaurants, other students were taking on fancy summer internships. The fact that she took the SAT unprepared and didn’t have the same networks or connections as other kids forced Benís to prove herself over and over. But she always bounced back. When she applied to Columbia Business School, they accepted her on the condition that she had to take calculus over the summer since she hadn’t worked at a big-name firm. She loved math and easily rose to the occasion, acing the class and getting a perfect score on the final.
Benís is quick, wise, smart, perceptive, and unbelievably hardworking. She can read people from across the room. With a BA and an MBA under her belt, she’s had a great career in executive search, private wealth management, and is now an insightful and powerful leadership coach. I should know: She’s been my most important coach since before Compass even started, giving me guidance and support at high and low moments. The fact that she supported me quitting a high-paying job in order to start a start-up while we were about to start a family shows that she’s just as big of a dreamer as I am. In a very real way, she has always believed in me more than I believed in myself.
She’s also an absolutely incredible mother. I can’t wait until my kids are old enough to really understand what Benís had to do to get where she is today. I’m just amazed at everything she’s been through and accomplished — and I’m going to raise them to be as proud of her as I am.
I want my children to know how special their mom is — and also know how amazing all moms are. For my whole life, I’ve been surrounded by strong mothers: my own mom Ruth, Benís’ mom Elida, Benís herself, and now thousands of remarkable mothers in the Compass family.
I’ve learned so much from all of these mothers and from the stories they share with me. From the powerful mothers who won’t take no for an answer. The persistent mothers who always find a way. The supportive mothers who care for the very old and the very young while also trying to care for themselves and live their own lives. The entrepreneurial mothers who run their own businesses while also running their families and their homes. The mothers whose children are struggling, or sick, or far away. The mothers who love men and love women and love themselves. The mothers who had to be tough as nails but still are the first ones you’d call when you need someone to tell you it’s all going to be okay. The mothers who won’t spend a penny on themselves because they want to invest every last cent in the dreams and the education of their children. The mothers who are no longer with us. The mothers who’ve given birth, who’ve adopted, who’ve step-mothered, who’ve foster-mothered, who’ve single-mothered, and those who’ve chosen not to be mothers at all and instead looked out for all the kids in the neighborhood. The mothers who do the impossible and the mothers who fight to make it all a little less impossible for the next generation.
This week is about all the mothers.
To every mom at Compass, I want you to know that I see you and I hear your stories every day. You inspire me with your creativity, your grit, your passion, and your leadership.No matter the odds, no matter the obstacles, you just make it work. And we couldn’t make anything work without you.
To everyone at Compass whose mom is still in your life, give her a call today. It doesn’t have to be Mother’s Day to be the perfect day to let your mom know how much she means to you.
Best,
Robert